As others have said, ditch the cream cheese. It needs an acid like lemon juice or red wine vinegar. I would reduce the black pepper and add something with more flavour like red chile or jalapeños. I also like to top it with fresh whole cilantro or parsley for both flavour and texture. You could also use something like diced radish.

Pickled red onions are also easy and will take you far.

That’s quite an intentionally misleading headline @[email protected]